Chatumentary

Who’s more obsessed?Finch has the receipts.

Gibbons

Hylobates goodmorningus

38,634 messages

Maya & Dev · a fictional couple, narrated by the real app

Place your bet: which of you two is more obsessed?

Free trailer · about 3 minutes

The file is never uploaded. Your film opens only with your link. How Finch handles your chat

A field study of Maya & Dev

A fictional couple, filmed by the real app from 38,634 messages. Tap through it like it's yours.

What the Director's Cut adds

What's in itTrailerDirector's Cut
Your species and your first message
Bets revealed, and the scoreboard2All 5
Both field cards: superpower, fatal flaw, stats
Medals made only for two8
The pair card: habitat, diet, conservation status
The morning ritual, the Love Ledger, the first "I love you"
The longest night, your eras, your private dictionary
Receipts from your chat4Up to 15
Finch's verdict, appeals for both of you, his prophecy
End credits and your Field Certificate
Finch's voiceOpeningEvery slide, with your names
Kept for30 daysA year

Who texts first, who replies faster, who said “I love you” first

Not a love score: receipts from your own chat. Here's what Finch found on Maya & Dev.

  1. The Morning Call slide: who sent the first message of the day, as a split bar.

    Who texts first

    Dev opens 399 mornings. Maya opens 167.

    Texting first is a habit, not a ranking. Finch counts it anyway.

  2. The reply-speed slide with both partners' median reply times.

    Who replies faster

    Maya replies in 1 min. Dev in 11.

    Median, not the one time someone was in the shower.

  3. The sealed First Love slide in the trailer.

    Who said “I love you” first

    The earliest one on record, with its date.

    In the Director's Cut. Finch won't say who until then.

  4. The Longest Night slide with its start and end times.

    The longest night

    408 messages before anyone slept.

    Start and end time included, for the court record.

  5. The ledger slide counting who asks whether the other has eaten.

    The “did you eat?” ledger

    335. Maya has not asked once.

    Care, measured in food.

  6. The private dictionary slide with the couple's own words.

    Your private dictionary

    The words only you two use, defined.

    Pet names stay yours: Finch writes them as you do.

Which pair are you two?

Ten species for couples, and four more only best friends and siblings get. Tap a card to see how Finch tells.

Find out which you are

Rather study a group? Your group chat has species too.

A gift made from your own messages

Wrap it, pick the night it opens, and watch their face when Professor Finch's ADMIT TWO ticket arrives. No shipping, so it works on the night.

  1. Picking the wrapping: Flamingo pink, Night safari or Gold seal, with your initials on the wax seal.

    Wrap it

    Three wrappings and a wax seal with your initials.

  2. Picking the night it opens, with your chat anniversary found.

    Pick the night

    Your anniversary, found from your first message, or any date.

  3. The ADMIT TWO invitation, sealed, with the night it opens.

    The invitation

    ADMIT TWO, and a note from you Finch can read aloud.

  4. The curtain: your note on screen, then the film starts.

    The curtain

    A countdown, then it opens for both of you at once.

Shake the envelope

Do not shake the envelope.

It waits on screen through the countdown. Shake it: Finch objects, then lets slip a hint from your own chat. Try Maya and Dev's.

Gift edition $12.99, once.

Gift it to them
Gift a screening to another couple

They bring their own chat. Finch does the rest.

How it works

  1. Export your chat with your person

    iPhone:
    Tap their name, Export Chat, Without Media.
    Android:
    Tap ⋮, More, Export chat, Without media.
  2. You both bet

    Five bets each, from who texts first to who's more obsessed. Pass the phone, or send the link and your person bets on their own.

  3. Watch it together

    The free trailer settles the first two bets. The Director's Cut settles the rest, then Finch rules on who's more obsessed.

Export turned off? One of you has Advanced chat privacy on. Switch it off for a minute, export, then switch it back.

Make ours

One price, once, for both of you

No subscription. Nothing renews.

  • Admit two

    Free trailer

    $0

    Kept 30 days

    • 7 slides with both of your numbers
    • The first two bets settled
    • Finch voices the opening
  • Admit twoFor both

    Director's Cut for two

    $9.99

    Once, for both of you. Kept for a year.

    • Every receipt, the first “I love you” and the longest night
    • All five bets, the verdict and your appeal
    • Finch narrates every slide

Questions

Do you keep our chat?

The file is never uploaded: your phone reads it. Your film opens only with your link.

How Finch handles your chat
Is it a subscription?

No. One price, once. The trailer is free, the Director's Cut is $9.99 for both of you and kept for a year. No weekly plan, nothing renews.

Do we both need to export?

No. One of you exports the chat and sends the link. Your person bets on their own phone, then watches.

What if we're best friends or siblings?

Finch films you too, with your own species and no romance. Shows for couples are for people 18 and over.

Settle it.

Free trailer, about 3 minutes. Then decide who's buying the Director's Cut.

The file is never uploaded. Your film opens only with your link. How Finch handles your chat